Monthly Archives: November 2015

Happy Thanksgiving and A Few Things I’m Grateful For

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Untitled designWith Thanksgiving just 2 days away, I wanted to take a minute to wish you a happy day with your family and friends. We’re at the opening day of what will be a very busy holiday season for most of us, I hope you can take some time before it begins to reflect on the wonderful things you have in your life, even if things aren’t going super well right now. When I feel scared, overwhelmed or generally whiny – I run through a list of some of the things in my life that I’m sincerely grateful for – it doesn’t “fix” what might be wrong but it helps me put things back into perspective.

I am thankful for so much this year – here are a few things that I am overflowing with gratitude for right now:

My health – even when I’m dealing with an injury (currently nursing a jammed big toe joint) – there is so much I am able to do thanks to this incredible body I have been given. I am grateful for my mobility, for high energy, for restful sleep and for strength!

A supportive and loving husband – he works his tail off (with a 3 hour daily commute), he makes me coffee every morning and plays with my hair at the end of every day.

A warm and safe home – I get tired of driving so far all the time but I have all that I need here and more. I’m lucky that I even have a car to drive all that distance!

A sweet pest of a kitty who brings me comfort on bad days and whose antics make me laugh the rest of the time.

Friends & family I can count on. My circle is small but it’s full of people I trust and who legitimately care about me.

Access to fresh and wholesome food – I may get tired of cooking sometimes (i’m human!) but I have so much healthy and fresh food at my fingertips. So thankful that we are in a position to feed ourselves well.

Being able to enjoy food on this day. It wasn’t too long ago that every bite of food was a struggle between treating myself and beating myself up. I’m thankful that I’m in a place where I can enjoy food socially but also stay true to what feels best for my body. This is an amazing gift. (Contact me if you want to figure out how to get there yourself)

Life – sometimes I’m just amazed that I am here on this planet at all. How lucky that I’m here out of millions of other sperm/egg combinations!

A fulfilling coaching practice – working for myself and helping other women create the life the want to have is supremely satisfying and I’m thoroughly thankful that this is my life .

You – whether you’re a client, friend, classmate or just a curious person who stumbled upon my site, I am grateful for you! Thank you for reading, thank you for your kind notes, thank you for your business and generous referrals! I couldn’t be doing this work without you.

What are you feeling thankful for right now? Do you regularly think about all the positive things in your life?  Have you noticed any benefits in your life with staying conscious of the things you are grateful for?

To Get What We Want, We Have to Give Up Something

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Everything you want has a price. Becoming a runner might mean getting up earlier (trading sleep). Is it worth it?

Everything you want has a price. Becoming a runner might mean getting up earlier (trading sleep). Is it worth it?

You have a dream. You want to earn $1,000,000. You want 4 kids. You want a prestigious job. You want the Master’s degree. You want your wedding to be Pinterest perfect. You want to lose 30 lbs. You want rock hard abs. You want to stop binge eating or dieting or talking crap about yourself.

No matter what you want, in order to get it, you’re going to have to give up something.

There’s always a tradeoff.

Unless someone literally drops 4 kids off on your doorstep or hands you the master’s degree. And even then, I’d argue that getting those things would change your life in a way that something would be pushed to the wayside. If you suddenly had 4 kids overnight, you’d have less free time and certainly less money. Having the Master’s Degree in hand might get you the job you’re after but how long will you be able to keep that job if you didn’t actually earn the degree? Your lack of skills in that area will show eventually.

If you want something, you have to work for it. And if you’re like most people, your current life doesn’t have much room for making that goal happen. We’re all busy, full of excuses and tired. It’s easy to say, I can’t do X because I don’t have Y. But some people do make it happen – even though they’re busy and tired and make excuses of their own sometimes.

If you want rock hard abs or to lose 30 lbs, you’re going to have to make the time to exercise and eat properly. The time won’t just appear. You’ll have to swap out something else you are doing (TV watching, Facebook browsing, social time, laundry etc) in order to fit in the stuff that will help you get there. Is it worth it?

If you want to prestigious job, you might have to work extra hours, attend events that bore you to tears, take extra classes and kiss ass. You might get the job but the trade off is time with your friends, family and time for yourself. Is it worth it?

If you want that Pinterest perfect wedding, you may need to hire a wedding planner if you’re not crafty – which means you may have to take on an extra job to pay for it. If you are crafty, you’re going to have to find the time and energy to plan, shop and prepare all your fancy shit. The trade off will be time and money. You may not have enough of either as it is. Is it worth it?

If you want to stop dieting, binge eating or beating yourself up emotionally, you’re going to have to stop indulging in old behaviors. You’ll have to actively work towards changing. It takes practice and awareness and time and trial and error. To get there, you’re going to have to give up eating for comfort, stuffing down your feelings and believing that you are broken. The trade off is giving up all the things that keep you where you are. Is it worth it?

I know right now you’re saying “Of course it is!”. Of course, what you want is worth it. I’m not questioning that validity of your desire. I am questioning whether you know that you’ll likely have to give up something to get to where you want to go. In most cases we can’t have both. We can’t stay where we are and also go somewhere different. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. You can’t lose weight and binge eat. You can’t outrun a shitty diet. It’s always a tradeoff and yes it is usually worth it – but you have to decide if you can commit to the sacrifices that your goal will require. And be consistent about it.

You’ll never have the body you want if you fueling it primarily with foods that don’t nourish or satisfy. Are you willing to trade it in for good nutrition?

You’ll never have the relationship with your body that you’d like to have if you keep thinking about yourself in negative and hurtful way. Are you willing trade it in for kindness?

Think about what you really want and then list all the things you’ll have to do to make that a reality.

What do you want in your heart of hearts?

What are you willing to give up to have it?

What are you not willing to give up?

Where can you make room in your life for this goal?

Now, I’d like to know, what are you working on? Is there a goal you’ve been working on but not making progress on? Could it be that there is a trade off that you haven’t allowed for? Share in the comments or if you want to look into where you’re getting stuck, contact me soon to do a Discovery Session.

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Getting Help for Your Food Issues? You Are Courageous.

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photo credit: it's oh so quite... (Denmark #5 Ry) via photopin (license)

We often feel alone in our struggles. Sharing with someone else can be scary but so worth it.  It takes courage.    photo credit: it’s oh so quite… (Denmark #5 Ry) via photopin (license)

We think of courage as bold overtures, soldiers storming into battle, a child bravely fighting cancer. Most of us hardly think of getting help for our eating “issues” as courageous.

To admit that you’re struggling in a big way to yourself is hard enough, but to vocalize (or even email it!) it to another feels a little like peeling off your skin and exposing your vulnerable insides to grave dangers. You’re not going to die from exposure, but for a moment it feels like you could. Putting it all out there – even to just one person puts us immediately on guard. We anticipate harsh judgements, embarrassment, ridicule even.

Why do we have so much fear sharing what’s really going on with us? Especially when you consider how much ridiculous shit we share online – with perfect strangers even!

The fear comes from the idea that we’re alone in it. We’re walking out into an abyss and no one else has a clue about it. That there is something wrong with us for having this problem – because everyone else seems ok. We think that we’re the only ones stuffing our faces, struggling to eat “normally” and revolting from our bodies. But the truth is, everyone has insecurities and stuff they are freaking out about inside. Maybe it’s not their food life or their body – it might be their marriage, it might be that they suffer from anxiety, maybe they feel like a total fraud at their job, maybe they have major social anxiety, the list can go on and on. Most of us keep it bottled up inside (unless you’re like me and you share way too much all of the time) – but we’re all hurting in some way and we all need someone to talk to. We all need to feel heard, understood, supported and most of all, not judged.

As hard as it is to suffer with an eating issue, it’s so hard to extend out our hands to get support. It may feel courageous to keep it inside and “handle it” ourselves but there really isn’t courage in that (at least in the long term). That’s based in fear. Fear of being seen as we really are – a complex imperfect human being!

Getting to the point where you finally reach out because you recognize that it’s actually even scarier to not seek help (and remain the same) takes immense courage. It takes guts. It takes a willingness to fall harder on your face than you already have. It is a risk.

But it’s one you have to take if you don’t want to feel this way anymore.

It takes so much courage to finally say, I need help, I’m stuck. I can’t do this on my own, I’m flailing, floundering and feeling fragile.

I talk a lot about what it takes to heal our relationships with food and loving our bodies and feeling our feelings. I talk about the need to take action and put things into practice instead of just wishing things were different but I don’t often acknowledge what it has taken the person who is in the process to even get to that point. That’s a whole journey in itself.

No one can tell you when you’ll get there, when you’ll be ready to get help, when enough is enough, but you. You’ll find that point someday where your quality of life is compromised enough that not getting help seems worse than sharing your struggles. To allay some of your fears, last time someone was brave enough to share with you something they were struggling with, how did you react? Did you make fun of them or tear them apart? Or did you let them know they were heard and understood? I’m guessing you may have seen yourself in them and said “Me too.”

If you have spoken up and are working to get better – with a coach, with a therapist, with a friend, with your journal, then you are courageous. You are fierce. You are strong. You are looking your fears directly in the face and saying “Is this all you’ve got?”, even if there are bumps along the way. You are brave.

If you’re not there yet, that’s ok. We’re all here for you and will be ready to listen when you are. I can’t wait for you to feel the relief that comes with being able to share your story with another person who gets it and who isn’t judging you. It’s like taking a deep breath by the ocean for the first time. It’s a big chunk of the healing just to get there. When you’re ready and want to talk, contact me.