Tag Archives: life

Two Things Need to Happen if You Want to Change Your Life

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photo credit: petrichor via photopin cc

photo credit: petrichor via photopin cc

I’ll get right down to the point. The way I see it, there are only two things you need to do if you want to change your life. It doesn’t matter if “change your life” means losing weight, changing careers, finding love, quitting smoking, getting off of sugar, reducing anxiety or most anything else.

The two things that need to happen are:

1. You have to really want it.
2. You have to continuously take steps towards that goal.

I don’t mean to trivialize how difficult changing your life is, because it’s definitely not easy and we certainly can’t take steps to change until we are ready, but so many people give up before they even start because they see where they are now and where they want to be as two points that are miles apart. They can’t see how they can get from one to the other so they don’t do anything about it.

No amount of wishing your life was different or being envious of others success will change your life. No amount of ignoring your situation will change it. No amount of complaining about it will make a difference. And there will be no perfect time in your life to make it happen. Life doesn’t slow down and suddenly become more convenient. A special opportunity when all things are aligned won’t show up.

It may sound harsh to lay it out like this but I’ve noticed that the difference between most people who are successful at changing and those who aren’t is often as simple as being willing to continuously take action, even when they’re busy or feel like giving up. They don’t give excuses a moment to take root.

No, changing your life isn’t easy. It’s usually hard work and sometimes you feel like you’re taking a lot of steps that don’t really seem to be going anywhere. But if you keep taking action you will move forward. It may not be as fast as you would like and you may need to revise your goals along the way. You may even realize during your journey that you want to head in another direction. That’s okay! That’s still growth. You’re still changing your life!

If you feel like you are taking action and working towards a goal but nothing is happening, ask yourself if there is something you could be doing towards this goal that you’re not already doing. Also important, is your goal a S.M.A.R.T. goal (S.M.A.R.T. stands for Specific – Measurable – Attainable – Realistic – Timed)? Goals that are well defined are easier to reach.

If you have clearly outlined the steps to reach your goal but are not making the progress you would like, is it possible you are self-sabotaging? Maybe you’re unconsciously afraid of this change so you’re finding ways to not move forward (been there!) or you’re not really sure how to change something (been there too!) so you end up spinning in circles.

Another possibility is that you don’t really want to reach this goal to begin with. Many of us think we want to achieve something because it is what society expects of us or it’s a story we’ve told ourselves for many years. If you don’t really want it, there is no amount of goal setting or coaching that’s going to make it happen.
Goal Setting Blog Post (1)

If you’re just getting started with change, try to not take on too much too soon. It’s the fastest way to get overwhelmed and discouraged. Start with small changes first and build on them as you gain confidence and momentum.

For weight loss, try adding in an extra vegetable each day to start. When that becomes easy, consider starting an exercise routine (if you’re not already – and with your doctor’s approval). It can be just 10 minutes a few times a week to begin. Start there and keep building!

If you want to change careers and know what you want to do but don’t know what it takes to get there, start by doing research on your dream field and reach out to people already working in that field that you know already (or find them on Linkedin) and ask if they’d be willing to tell you how they got their foot in the door. Get the ball rolling and get excited about your future and your next steps will appear.

For increased chances of success, consider sharing your goals with a friend and asking them to hold you accountable or hire a coach who can help you navigate roadblocks. Having support can go a long way towards your progress.

For true change to happen you have to want what you’re after and continuously take action towards it. If you do those two things we’ll be celebrating your accomplishment in just a matter of time. I’ll buy the champagne!
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What’s Getting in The Way of Your Dreams?

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photo credit: MartaZ* via photopin cc

photo credit: MartaZ* via photopin cc

Dreams.  We all have them.  Some of us go after them like a last minute shopper on Christmas Eve (determined and willing to pay any price to get what they want), while others put those dreams away in a tightly sealed box and hide them in the attic, thinking they’re not for us.  It’s not the right time or we don’t deserve them. This past weekend marked the one year anniversary of my last day at my corporate job, the day I ripped the tape off those dusty dreams.  I can’t believe it’s been a whole year but it made me think about the relationships we have with our deepest desires, our dreams.

Are you embarrassed by your dreams? Or do you boldly embrace them? Have you ever thought about why?

One year ago I took a major risk, gave my notice and walked out the door to start my own business in a field I had dreamed about for years.  I was excited but also terrified to actually take steps in a direction where I was in charge.

My husband was more than willing to support me in doing this and we’re very fortunate that financially we could pull this off. He was well aware of how poor a fit my desk job had become for me (to the point where it was affecting my health) and was happy to see me ready to do something that was more “me”.

When I say I was terrified, I’m not kidding.  Believing in myself, especially when it came to career was always a major issue for me.  In high school and college, I had periods where I really wanted to become a psychologist, a teacher, a family counselor and later, a business owner (my own coffee shop/cafe), a nutritionist and even a personal trainer.  Every time I started to investigate what it would take to make those things a reality, I got cold feet.  I was smart, I got good grades and was a hard worker but somewhere deep inside me I believed that I didn’t have what it would take to make those things happen for the long haul.  Sure, I went so far as to take a year of Elementary Ed classes in college, and even did a student teaching gig in a kindergarten class but when it came time to start the entry steps for the next part of the program, I froze and decided that the English degree I was passively working on in the background was going to have to be good enough.

I started to believe that I was “lazy” because I couldn’t follow through with any of the careers I wanted for myself.  I took jobs that I knew would never be a career because I in my heart I thought that a “career” just wasn’t meant to be for me.  I sealed up my dreams in a box and shipped them off! It was so much easier to work jobs that made me miserable than it was to risk failing at something that made me happy.  For almost a decade and a half I let this fear keep me stagnant and hold me back.  That makes me sad.

Instead of realizing that I had some fear around my abilities and a fear of failure, I punished myself for being lazy and not having ambition.  It wasn’t until relatively recently that I finally realized that I have plenty of ambition and I’m not the least bit lazy but I need to be in charge.  I can’t answer to someone else and thrive.  I had all these dreams, but I was afraid to take the risks to make them happen.  Eventually the risk of staying where I was became greater than the risk of making a big change.

Most things I’ve been doing in this past year to build and grow a business have also been terrifying.  My first sessions with each new client, every blog post, newsletter or program – all of it has put me out of my comfort zone at first.  I’m constantly putting myself on the line, being vulnerable, risking rejection and failure.  But while I take each step, sometimes holding my breath, I’m growing, gaining confidence and learning new skills.  I’m feeling more like me than I have in years and I feel like all the creativity I had in me as a child is coming to life again. For the first time since college, I am excited about what lies ahead for me as a career.  And could I still fail?  Sure.  But that’s less scary now that I see what going after my dreams has given to me.

The risk of not going after your dreams is that you will stifle your potential and create stories about who you are that aren’t true.

What dreams have you sealed up in a mental “box”?

What do you believe to be true about yourself that puts limits on your dreams?

What’s getting in the way of your dreams?

Is there a recurring theme in your life? Your jobs? Your relationships?

Do you keep coming up with excuses as to why you can’t or shouldn’t have the dreams you have?

Why do you think that is? What would it take for you to snip the tape off that box and let that dream breathe?

Long term, it’s way scarier to not go after what you want. My wish for you is that you’ll at least investigate your reasons for not going after what you want.  You deserve to be happy.  Don’t let a decade or more pass by before you take steps to make that happen.  When you find resistance coming up in regards to your dreams, ask yourself if those things are true?  You may find that they’re not!