If you are like most of my clients, you are a woman who does it all and asks little in return.
You’re the first to call and ask if there is anything you can do when a friend is going through a divorce.
You’ve volunteered for every bake sale, fundraiser and middle school dance that your kids have been involved in.
You’ve made lunches, made beds, cooked dinners, wiped away tears, held hands, played hide and go seek and read to your kids nightly at bedtime.
You’ve boosted your partner during their moments of self-doubt and listened to them after many a long day at work.
You’ve babysat every kid in the neighborhood and you’ve brought meals to families that are experiencing great loss or a new birth.
And somehow, in between all of this giving of love & yourself, you’ve also probably managed to have a demanding career outside of the home too – because that is just what women do today. We do it all, whether or not we want to, because it has to be done, and we do it with love.
Like Hercules with the heavens on his shoulders, you lift up those around you.
But who is lifting you? Who do you lean on when you need help?
If you look around you, you’ll probably find that you have many people who adore you and would LOVE to support you if you would let them. Letting others pitch in is difficult for you, isn’t it? Could you let someone else support you? Can you let go of the need to be the giver? The need to do for someone else? Can you ask for help when you need it?
I hate to generalize, but as a woman who grew up in a family of women (6 out of 7 in our household were female) and who works primarily with women, I keep hearing and seeing the same story played out over and over. (I know that men struggle with this too but most of my personal experience happens to be with the ladies.) Women who lovingly give and support but are unable to ask for the same when they desperately need it.
There is nothing wrong with giving. In fact, it’s a wonderful thing and a really important part of being human! But there is nothing wrong with admitting that sometimes you need support too!
Asking for help is difficult because we don’t want to appear weak or vulnerable. I know it’s hard. I struggle with it myself. I fear putting someone out or causing an inconvenience to others. It was a few years into our relationship before I was able to ask my husband for help when I needed it (which is funny to me now because he is the first person I turn to now). Does that sound like you?
Depending on others can be scary but it takes far more strength to allow yourself to be vulnerable than it does to carry everything yourself. Being vulnerable and voicing your needs is courageous, and frankly it’s the only way to live fully.
Do you have resistance around asking for help?
Where do you think it comes from?
If asking for help is hard for you, what is something small that you could start with?
Who in your life would have your back if you asked them to?
The strongest women know that they are stronger when they have friends and family they can count on when they are in need. Most people are more than willing to pitch in when asked, they’re just waiting for the opportunity and they will be flattered, that you, the amazing woman who does it ALL, trusted them with her needs.
This is a subject I love coaching women on. If this subject hits home for you, I’d love to help you work through it. Your first session is free (and there’s no obligation if you don’t think coaching is for you)! We can chat and see what type of support would be most beneficial to you and go from there.
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